I think most of us can agree that girls are more emotionally complex than guys. This doesn’t mean that one is better than the other—God made men and women—but we are incredibly different in everything. The way we feel (yes, guys have feelings), think, act and interpret the world around us are very different.
Girls want to feel understood by guys. We need emotional connection, and that means that guys need to be able to understand us. But are we missing something when it comes to relating with guys?
I’m not saying girls need to start following the NHL draft picks or become immensely interested in hunting or start man-grunting like Tim the Tool Man. But I am asking this: how can we expect guys to put in all kinds of effort to understand us when we put no effort into understanding them? Sometimes we expect men to cater to us when we don’t put any effort into speaking their language.
I asked some of the guys in my life what they want girls to know about guys…what they would say if they could say anything to girls without the girls getting mad. Complete honesty.
I told them it could be anything—girls cry too much, guys don’t care about makeup, guys hate drama, etc. The guys I asked are ages 16 – 20 and all have different personalities. These points are the guys’ words, not mine. I might add something after a point, but for the most part, it’s what they themselves wrote.
Guys absolutely hate drama.
One guy put it this way:
We’re more relaxed/laid back, so don’t get upset at us if we don’t care [about drama].”
It’s not their job to please other people; not everything is a crisis.
A third guy said,
Yes, guys absolutely hate drama; it drives us crazy! Sometimes a little drama just happens, that’s tolerable…
They aren’t saying that nothing matters. They’re saying that there’s a difference between something serious and something that’s just drama. Sometimes, we tend to overreact to the little things instead of judging if the thing is worth getting worked up over. We need to take a step back and decide if it’s actually a big deal or if we’re making it a big deal.
If you listen to a guy tell a story then listen to a girl tell a story, you’ll notice a big difference. Guys tell exactly what happened—“Jim walked into a wall and then fell down.” Girls tell what happened, plus how they felt, plus how Jim felt, plus how Sally reacted when she told her the story.
Guys are just more factually-based. If you’re explaining every emotion you experienced, they’re probably going to tune out pretty quick. However, if you’re explaining what actually happened instead of what you think happened or what you felt happened, they’re more likely to get what you’re saying.
We still care.
When you are upset, we don’t always understand or notice at first, but we still care.
Us guys don’t care as much as you girls do.
Ladies, guys do care. None of the guys I spoke to said they don’t care about girls. They just said they didn’t care as much or about everything. Girls get emotionally involved in everything that happens; it’s the way we are. Guys don’t invest their emotions into as much as we do; they aren’t wired to have an emotion behind everything.
When it comes to telling guys how we feel, we shouldn’t hide everything from guys or be less than honest about how we’re feeling (saying “I’m fine” when you’re really not isn’t helping. It’s confusing) but we do need to know how to tell guys how we’re feeling in concise, matter-of-fact ways.
Guys don’t try to send subtle signals.
When guys are nice (holding doors open, etc.), they are truly just doing it to be nice…being nice to a lady is often taken for flirting when in reality, I’m just being nice.
When guys ask to hang out, it literally means hang out. Nothing else. Play some cards or the Wii. We just want to have fun and get to know them better, that’s all.
Sometimes, when we like a guy, we try to send signals that suggest to the guy we’re interested—without actually saying we’re interested. Guys don’t do that. If they’re interested, they’ll tell you or make it really obvious. Guys want to be able to be friends with girls without it turning into a “thing” or being accused of liking a girl.
We need to realize that not every guy who wants to be our friend wants to date us, and that’s okay. It’s important to have friendships without any weird pressure to potentially have a relationship. I’ve enjoyed so many great friendships with guys just because I didn’t assume they were interested in me!
We like listening better, but guys want to talk too.
It is easy enough for us to listen to anything you want to talk to us about, but a lot harder for us to reciprocate and talk about ourselves.
Guys want to talk too.
Assuming you’re having a great conversation with a guy and not just dumping emotional junk on him, is it okay to still talk lots? Yes! Talking to guys is not bad. It’s how you talk to them. They like to talk, too. However, don’t expect a guy to be as talkative as you. Some guys are, but most aren’t. It’s a lot easier for a guy to listen to you about how you feel than for him to talk about how he feels.
But when you’re actually in a relationship with a guy, the girl still need some emotional connection—and that doesn’t come from talking about football. So when you want to find out how a guy feels about a certain thing, don’t ask him “How do you feel about this?” Guys often don’t know how they feel because they just don’t analyze their emotional responses the way girls do. But guys can usually tell you their opinion or what they think. Give them a chance to talk! Ask what they think. Listen when they start to talk. If they aren’t comfortable, don’t push it. Guys will talk to girls they feel safe with.
Go with the flow.
Just go with the flow. Not everything needs to be controlled. Nothing drives me crazier than when someone tries to control literally everything. Guys love just going with the flow; maybe making broad plans, but nothing specific.
As a type-A personality firstborn, I like to feel in control of my space and my plans. But a lot of the time, guys don’t have a plan and they’re okay with that. Sometimes we girls need to loosen up a bit and be okay with that too. The world won’t fall apart if you don’t know every detail. Having a plan is a good thing, but sometimes we can get a little too caught up in it.