Things Guys Want to Tell Girls

Have you ever wondered what guys REALLY think about drama, your emotions and how they communicate? You may be surprised! Click here to read more.

I think most of us can agree that girls are more emotionally complex than guys. This doesn’t mean that one is better than the other—God made men and women—but we are incredibly different in everything. The way we feel (yes, guys have feelings), think, act and interpret the world around us are very different.

Girls want to feel understood by guys. We need emotional connection, and that means that guys need to be able to understand us. But are we missing something when it comes to relating with guys?

I’m not saying girls need to start following the NHL draft picks or become immensely interested in hunting or start man-grunting like Tim the Tool Man. But I am asking this: how can we expect guys to put in all kinds of effort to understand us when we put no effort into understanding them? Sometimes we expect men to cater to us when we don’t put any effort into speaking their language.

I asked some of the guys in my life what they want girls to know about guys…what they would say if they could say anything to girls without the girls getting mad. Complete honesty.

I told them it could be anything—girls cry too much, guys don’t care about makeup, guys hate drama, etc. The guys I asked are ages 16 – 20 and all have different personalities. These points are the guys’ words, not mine. I might add something after a point, but for the most part, it’s what they themselves wrote.

Guys absolutely hate drama.

One guy put it this way:

We’re more relaxed/laid back, so don’t get upset at us if we don’t care [about drama].”

Another added,

It’s not their job to please other people; not everything is a crisis.

A third guy said,

Yes, guys absolutely hate drama; it drives us crazy! Sometimes a little drama just happens, that’s tolerable…

They aren’t saying that nothing matters. They’re saying that there’s a difference between something serious and something that’s just drama. Sometimes, we tend to overreact to the little things instead of judging if the thing is worth getting worked up over. We need to take a step back and decide if it’s actually a big deal or if we’re making it a big deal.

If you listen to a guy tell a story then listen to a girl tell a story, you’ll notice a big difference. Guys tell exactly what happened—“Jim walked into a wall and then fell down.” Girls tell what happened, plus how they felt, plus how Jim felt, plus how Sally reacted when she told her the story.

Guys are just more factually-based. If you’re explaining every emotion you experienced, they’re probably going to tune out pretty quick. However, if you’re explaining what actually happened instead of what you think happened or what you felt happened, they’re more likely to get what you’re saying.

We still care.

When you are upset, we don’t always understand or notice at first, but we still care.

Us guys don’t care as much as you girls do.

Ladies, guys do care. None of the guys I spoke to said they don’t care about girls. They just said they didn’t care as much or about everything. Girls get emotionally involved in everything that happens; it’s the way we are. Guys don’t invest their emotions into as much as we do; they aren’t wired to have an emotion behind everything.

When it comes to telling guys how we feel, we shouldn’t hide everything from guys or be less than honest about how we’re feeling (saying “I’m fine” when you’re really not isn’t helping. It’s confusing) but we do need to know how to tell guys how we’re feeling in concise, matter-of-fact ways.

Guys don’t try to send subtle signals.

When guys are nice (holding doors open, etc.), they are truly just doing it to be nice…being nice to a lady is often taken for flirting when in reality, I’m just being nice.

When guys ask to hang out, it literally means hang out. Nothing else. Play some cards or the Wii. We just want to have fun and get to know them better, that’s all.

Sometimes, when we like a guy, we try to send signals that suggest to the guy we’re interested—without actually saying we’re interested. Guys don’t do that. If they’re interested, they’ll tell you or make it really obvious. Guys want to be able to be friends with girls without it turning into a “thing” or being accused of liking a girl.

We need to realize that not every guy who wants to be our friend wants to date us, and that’s okay. It’s important to have friendships without any weird pressure to potentially have a relationship. I’ve enjoyed so many great friendships with guys just because I didn’t assume they were interested in me!

We like listening better, but guys want to talk too.

It is easy enough for us to listen to anything you want to talk to us about, but a lot harder for us to reciprocate and talk about ourselves.

Guys want to talk too.

Assuming you’re having a great conversation with a guy and not just dumping emotional junk on him, is it okay to still talk lots? Yes! Talking to guys is not bad. It’s how you talk to them. They like to talk, too. However, don’t expect a guy to be as talkative as you. Some guys are, but most aren’t. It’s a lot easier for a guy to listen to you about how you feel than for him to talk about how he feels.

But when you’re actually in a relationship with a guy, the girl still need some emotional connection—and that doesn’t come from talking about football. So when you want to find out how a guy feels about a certain thing, don’t ask him “How do you feel about this?” Guys often don’t know how they feel because they just don’t analyze their emotional responses the way girls do. But guys can usually tell you their opinion or what they think. Give them a chance to talk! Ask what they think. Listen when they start to talk. If they aren’t comfortable, don’t push it. Guys will talk to girls they feel safe with.

Go with the flow.

Just go with the flow. Not everything needs to be controlled. Nothing drives me crazier than when someone tries to control literally everything. Guys love just going with the flow; maybe making broad plans, but nothing specific.

As a type-A personality firstborn, I like to feel in control of my space and my plans. But a lot of the time, guys don’t have a plan and they’re okay with that. Sometimes we girls need to loosen up a bit and be okay with that too. The world won’t fall apart if you don’t know every detail. Having a plan is a good thing, but sometimes we can get a little too caught up in it.

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Things I Wish I Knew before I Started Dating

Dating can be fun, but there can be tough things too. There's lots to learn and grow from. Click here to read seven things I learned while dating!

I started dating when I was in the last semester of high school. I’ve only dated one guy and I’ve been with him now for just over two and a half years. Since I was pretty naïve when we started dating, I’ve learned a lot about relationships in the last couple years. This isn’t going to be a list of things I completely messed up on, though I have certainly made a lot of mistakes. Rather, these are things that I was surprised to find and thought I was the only one dealing with these issues. I thought I’d take the time to discuss some of the things I wish someone had told me before I started dating.

Christian girls have to deal with temptation too.

Chances are that if you really like a guy, you’re attracted to him, whether that’s physically or not. When I started dating William, I had this preconceived notion that since I was a Christian, I would be kind of “protected” from any temptation. We were a Christian couple focused on Jesus, so temptation wouldn’t touch us.

Ha.

I think that Satan will try even harder to tempt Christians—especially young ones who have lots of hormones. He tempted Jesus, too (Luke 4:1 – 13). Everyone is different, but don’t think that just because you’re both Christians you will be sheltered from temptations. Be prepared that you will face temptation, and be armed with prayer.

Your boyfriend is not your emotional outlet.

So many girls use their boyfriend as their emotional vent. It’s okay to relieve some stress and talk about your day, but sometimes we go overboard. Instead of sharing the facts and directly explaining how we feel, we end up inflating the story as we go along to the point where we’re just “venting”.

Ladies, your man wants to support you. Guys know girls are emotional and they want to help. They’re fixers. But at some point, they shut down. If we are just a landslide of feelings, they can’t understand it all. They aren’t wired the same as us and they can’t sort through all those emotions the same way we can. It’s how God made them. It’s good to talk to our men about how we’re feeling about different things, but we need to do it in guy language. We need to filter it down a bit to be straightforward—share the facts and then how you felt. Guys are great, but save the venting for your girlfriends.

Sexual purity gets harder, not easier.

Real talk here. This was—and is—a huge one for me. It’s one thing to stay pure when you’ve been dating for two months and you’re not a super-affectionate person to begin with. But when you’ve been dating for two years, keeping those boundaries gets really tough.

It’s important to set boundaries before you break them. Whether your parents gave you a curfew or not, set one and stick to it. If you let your rules slide once, it will happen again and again. Just because you’re a Christian couple does not mean you don’t need rules. The sooner you have an honest discussion about your boundaries, the better. Yes, it might be awkward, but that’s so much better than waiting until you’ve already crossed your personal boundaries.

He appreciates it when you take the time to look good.

I am a very no-fuss person when it comes to my appearance. I like to look nice, but I’m all for practicality. Before William and I started dating, I didn’t wear makeup because I couldn’t be bothered. I started wearing more makeup after we started dating but I still mostly only wear it to church or other outings. It’s so tempting to just wear sweats and be comfortable once you’ve been with your guy for a while, but he really does appreciate it when you put in that extra effort for him.

Sometimes my youngest brother will ask me, “Why do you care how you look? You already have a boyfriend.” He has a point in that I’m not trying to attract other guys, but I think William is worth taking the extra time to look good. At the same time, there’s a big difference between feminine and sexy. We want to be valued for our true worth.

He might “get” you, but he can’t read your mind.

You might be with a guy who just “gets” you. He understands you and he can always tell when something’s wrong. Guys who are sensitive to us are real blessings. They are easy to talk to and you don’t always have to explain yourself. They just know.

However, this does not make them mind-readers. There have been times when William knows something’s wrong and asks me about it, and there have been other times when he has no idea. This means I have to tell him. And I need to be honest and straightforward and loving in the way I’m telling him, not manipulative and demanding.

Having a boyfriend does not mean you will never notice another guy.

If you think having a boyfriend is going to protect you from ever being attracted to another guy, I have bad news for you. You don’t just shut off physical attraction like that. You will never be completely protected from seeing other guys—even after marriage. Being in a dating relationship means committing to one person above others. It’s not wrong to notice other guys. We are, after all, wired to be attracted to guys. It becomes wrong when we are lusting after guys—your boyfriend included.

When I had been dating William for a while, sometimes I would notice other guys and then think, Emily! What’s wrong with you? You have a boyfriend. But I realized that I can’t simply stop myself from noticing guys. What I can control is what I do with those thoughts when I have them. Do I encourage them or take them captive? Our response is what makes the difference.

Infatuation doesn’t last, but love does.

There will be times when your feelings come and go. One day you might just be giddy with love for your significant other, and then the next day you might just be meh. This doesn’t mean you love him any less, it just means that some days we feel it more than others. We’re girls. Emotions change.

It’s like your relationship with God. Sometimes you feel so on fire and passionate about sharing God’s love, yet other times you feel more distant and quiet. It doesn’t mean you love God any less, it just means that we go through different seasons of life and we go through different seasons of emotions, too.

The reality is that true love is a choice—a choice to love even when the feelings aren’t there to motivate you. It’s okay to not have butterflies all the time. Love means choosing the other person over yourself when it’s less than convenient.

Those are some of the things I’ve learned since I started dating! I hope this list has been helpful to you if you are in a relationship or are considering dating. What do you wish you knew before you were in a relationship? I’d love to hear your thoughts!

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Figuring Out God’s Will for Your Life

It can be so hard to figure out what God is telling you what to do. How do you know what His will for your life is? It may not be as hard as you think. Click here to read more!

Have you ever read or watched Anne of Green Gables? It’s a wonderful novel and movie series about spirited orphan Anne Shirley fostered by a brother-sister duo who grows up to fulfill her dream of being a teacher. She has an incredible imagination as a child and knows that she wants to one day be a school teacher, just like her role model Mrs. Stacey. Of course, she goes on to charm and inspire everyone she comes in contact with and eventually marries the man she has always truly loved. It’s an all-Canadian story about cherishing the people in your life and following your dreams.

I grew up watching Anne of Green Gables (I think I’m due for another movie marathon now.) Somehow, I always thought my life would be like that, too. That when it came to going to college, I would simply follow my dreams. I would know what career I was called to. I also thought that I would be successful at everything I did and that it would all simply come together. Unfortunately, I didn’t experience an epiphany or revelation calling me to anything specific.

If you’re thinking about your future now, it’s likely that you’ve heard the phrases, “Follow your dream” or “Do what you’re passionate about.” But what if you just don’t know the answer to the pressing question, “What will you do for the rest of your life?”

I’m now in my third year of college, and I’ve been blessed enough to enjoy what I’m doing. But when I started college, I really wasn’t sure. So what do you do if you’re in those final years of high school or even a high school graduate and have no idea what you want to do with your life?

Consider God’s will, not just your own.

This one might sound a bit cliché, but when you switch your focus from “What is the best thing I could do for me?” to a perspective of, “What is the best thing I could do for God?” things change a bit. I had the desire to serve God in whatever job I did. I didn’t want to get a job just for the money but I wanted a job that would glorify God. If the goal is to glorify the Lord, it takes some of the pressure off. Now I’m doing what He wants me to do instead of trying to figure out the best career for myself.

Look at is as an opportunity to explore.

When I went to college, I really didn’t know if accounting was what I wanted to do. I did it mostly out of practicality, since I knew that business knowledge would be helpful in nearly any field. I also wasn’t going to be spending a lot of money since I was staying at home, so it wasn’t a huge financial loss if I decided I didn’t like it. Also, it was a two-year program—not a complete waste of time if it didn’t turn out to be everything I dreamed of. You have your whole life ahead of you. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself to get it one hundred percent right the first time.

Take your God-given desires seriously.

My true desire as a young woman is to be at home raising my own kids and loving and inspiring other kids. Unfortunately, a lot of people don’t have much to say about being a stay-at-home mom—especially when that person is just leaving high school. Not a lot of seventeen-year-olds go around saying they don’t want a career. Sixty years ago, career women weren’t the norm. Now, women at home aren’t the norm. While my desire to be a stay-at-home wife and mom someday was real and honorable, it didn’t authorize a refusal of college education. One thing I knew I loved doing was teaching piano. I had been doing it for two years and loved it. I knew I wanted to continue teaching, but again, it wasn’t a full-time job at that point. By going to school for a job that could be part-time or full-time so that I could also teach piano and stay at home, I felt like I had made a good use of my tuition fund.

But what if you still don’t know? If you can’t figure out God’s calling in your life, do you just wait for Him to give you a revelation?

As Christians, we tend to think like this:

I need to do God’s will for my life. What is His will? I can’t figure it out. If I make the wrong decision, that means that I’m out of His will and it will take me who-knows-how-long to get back on track. I won’t be able to serve God properly and I will have messed up my whole life. I’d better just wait on God.

These conclusions are not true. We will not mess up God’s plan for our lives if we make one or two or seventy decisions. God has given us free will and the ability to make our own decisions. If God is telling you to do something, you’ll know. That’s why He sent the Holy Spirit to live in us. If you truly just don’t know what God is telling you to do, chances are He’s leaving it up to you. God is not there waiting for us to make one wrong move and mess up His plan. He will fulfill His plan no matter what you do. When your desire is to truly serve Him, He will honour that.

Take a deep breath and relax. God may be calling you to something specific, or He may be calling you to just make a decision. Instead of sitting around waiting for God to tell you what to do next, do something now. Serve Him and He will show you the next step.

In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths. (Prov. 3:6)

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One Easy Step to the Perfect Life

In a world that's constantly pushing us to become better, self-improve and have a perfect life, it's easy to lose focus. But what does it really take to lead a better life? Click here to read more.

Lately, I’ve been seeing a lot of lifestyle-improvement pins popping up on my Pinterest feed. Has anyone else noticed this new trend happening? Maybe it’s not quite so new. No matter where you go on the Internet, there’s all kinds of blog posts, Pinterest boards and Instagram accounts showing you how to life the “perfect life”. There are diets, lifestyles and financial habits that are guaranteed to help you enjoy life.

Discontent? We all know money can’t buy happiness—but maybe something else can. We get caught up in trying to be healthy or financial fit or by being more minimalist in our lifestyle choices. If more isn’t the answer to happiness, maybe less is.

We can get so caught up in trying to improve our lives that we forget why we are here to begin with—myself included. We forget that we aren’t here to have a perfect life, but that we are here to serve others. If I get to the end of my life and didn’t have the wedding I wanted to or my dream job but showed God’s love to others, I filled my purpose.

Please don’t hear what I’m not saying. I’m not saying that striving for a job you are passionate about or trying to cut down on your possessions is a bad thing. What I am saying is that when those things take place of what God has called us to do as His servants, we may need to do some re-prioritizing. Those things are worth pursuing, but in their place.

I think that sometimes, we spend so much time trying to enjoy life and savour the moment that we forget about the One who has created this life and these moments and this world. Sometimes I find myself not enjoying whatever I’m doing because I’m too concerned about getting the perfect picture of it to share it to Instagram (anyone want to guess what my favourite social site is?). I often have to remind myself that it doesn’t matter if I share it or not; I need to be here and present and available to be used by God. If I spend so much time worrying about the best way to live my life but never really make myself available to God, I have not truly served Him and I will be discontent.

Whenever I’m feeling discontent about life, I tend to try to fill it with different things. I may go shopping and buy that “one thing” I’ve been wanting. I might grab onto the latest trend of a good lifestyle and chase after it for a month before dropping it. But the only thing that really grounds me is spending time with God. Just me and Him. Resting in His presence, studying His Word and building my relationship with Him. We talk about life and stuff that’s happening. Sometimes I’m thanking Him for everything He’s provided me with and other times I’m just being still.

When we worship God, we get our perspective back. We realize Who’s in charge and Who is the center of our lives. We realized what really matters—pursuing the One who loves us more than we will ever know instead of trying to live the best life that is like a dot on an eternal timeline.

When I get to the end of my life, I think I can deal with a regret like not getting the perfect job or achieving each one of my goals. What I’m not sure I’ll get over is regretting not spending more time with my King.

Today, I want to challenge you to focus on pursuing God rather than a perfect life. When you put Him first, everything else will fall in place.

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When Serving Your Church isn’t a Privilege

As Christians, we know that serving in the church is expected of us. But what happens when serving isn't a privilege anymore, but an obligation? Click here to read about how to find joy in serving.

I was raised in the church. I went to nursery, Busy Bees, Sunday School, Tuesday night youth and Friday night young adults. I also go to a fair-sized church, which allows me to enjoy being a part of lots of different programs. I could get involved in lots of different ways, and I loved (and still do) being a part of a larger church family.

But somehow, I lost my identity as a Christian in there. I’m not sure how it happened, but eventually I forgot why I was there. I was serving, worshiping and fellowshiping, but occasionally I would wonder why.

Then doubts started happening. If I’m not sure why I’m here, does that make me a bad Christian? Aren’t Christians supposed to have purpose? Meaning?

I felt a little empty. Christians are supposed to be fulfilled because we’re the ones who have been saved and filled with the joy of the Lord! What’s going on here?

I realized that it’s actually quite simple. In serving my church, I was doing, but not experiencing. There’s a difference.

Sometimes we just get busy and lose our focus. We can get distracted by everything that has to be done that we forget the One who’s behind it all and that we’re actually doing it all for Him. I think we get really used to sitting back and watching the show instead of actually being in the cast.

Psalm 34:8 says,

Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him!

The Bible tells us to experience God, not observe Him. We are to “taste” the Lord’s goodness and “see” His work. The dictionary defines the verb to see as this:

  1. Perceive with the eyes; discern visually
  2. Discern or deduce mentally after reflection or from information; understand

We are not called merely to observe the Lord’s goodness, but to reflect on it; understand it. I have served in my church, but how many times have I gone home after volunteering and thought about how God is working through me and everyone else at that particular event? How many times have I thanked God for what He’s doing in the lives of the youth as I serve them?

It’s so easy to just try to get through and get things done as we fulfill our roles as part of the Body of Christ. But eventually, we get burned out. We become weary. We get tired and wonder if we’re really doing any good or if we’re really making a difference.

In Galatians 6:9 – 10, Paul reminds us:

And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith.

Paul repeats this admonishment in 2 Thessalonians 3:13 as well.

Next time you’re feeling tired from serving, remember that there is more to it than just doing. Ask God to help you experience His goodness and joy as you serve Him. The latter part of Psalm 34:8 says, “Blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him!” What you do will not be done in vain if done for the Lord and not for man.

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